Chuffed in the rough

Excellent news from County Hall this week. The powers that be have at long last recognised my efforts to secure better golfing facilities in our splendid county and released me from duties so that I can better search for parcels of redundant land. It is true there was a slight confusion over the possible acquisition of some of West Somerset Railway's property. Perhaps I had not fully appreciated that WSR operates a full size track and rolling stock. In my innocence I always assumed it to be a model enthusiasts' club with some old Hornby 00's a tattered flag and a whistle. It was good to have got all that cleared up and I now intend to move forward with my customary zeal. Eunice is backing me to the hilt and will no doubt press the relevant buttons on our wonderful new high speed broadband device whenever she is free from her humanitarian visits to local hospitals.

Open Sandwich

I have obtained tickets for that great festival of golfing prowess to be held this July at the Royal St George's splendid course on the Kent coast. Naturally I will carry my burdens of office with me and endeavour to convince representatives of other public bodies that the way forward for succesful business lies in partnership with the private sector as we have already proved so resoundingly in Somerset with our arrangements with South West one. Eunice was to have accompanied me in one of the more sporting additions to the Hux automobile fleet, but of late she has taken a keen interest in the thrills of the saddle. There is, so she confided recently, nothing quite like 1000cc throbbing away between leather clad thighs.

Battening down the hatches

These are days of serious austerity but - as friend and foe will readily testify - my door has always been open for original ideas and schemes of true imagination. It was through my door that the inspiration came for many of my pioneering plans. Some may say that I pioneered too much too soon, or merely left the door wide open for less sensible notions to enter. So I have decided to adopt a more cautious approach in future in the interests of saving time. Eunice agrees. She says 'by all means try, but be prepared to go in the long way round'.

All at Sea

Unkind things have been said about my absence from the latest council deliberations on the future of our county farms. But those who know me best will understand. Sometimes a gust of wind can blow the cobwebs away and fill the sails. So it was with me when I steered my trusty vessel, the SS Rundle, out into the Channel. People assume that I only live for my cars and my handicap. Not so. Huxtables have been before the mast for many generations. Eunice normally accompanies me on these maritime sorties but this time she said she wanted to scrape barnacles from the bottom of her favourite dinghy. I have no idea what she means.

Just Running in!

It was heart-warming to witness the ripple of applause as one of my dear colleagues reminded a packed Chamber of my recent anniversary. I am gladdened, of course, by the attention of my friends. But for those with baser motives may I remind them that twenty five years is just the start. I intend to be around long after County Hall has been redeveloped. I will outlive and outfox the best of them. And Eunice is with me all the way. "Dare to be different", she whispers in my ear as she nips off for one of her many energetic meetings. Dare to be different? I wonder where she picked up a phrase like that?

New Politics, New Motors, New Jobs (some better than others)

I watched Jeremy Browne, that gangling Taunton MP chap, getting into a Ministerial limo on tv the other night. Apparantly he's landed some minor role at the FO under the new coalition team. It appears that we all have to cooperate now. The other day Sam Crabb skipped up to me in a spirit of over-eager camaraderie (rather like a poor-man's Vince Cable) and asked if he could borrow my little runabout. "Ha" says I, "I doubt if your head would poke above the dashboard!" But I have agreed to let him wash the windscreen for a small consideration. This is the spirit of meaningful cooperation that Dave and Nick waxed about in the Downing Street rose garden. They want us to foster it down here too. You can rely on me to roll out the red carpet. And Eunice tells me she is more than happy to roll on the carpet whatever the colour.

The eyes have it

I was shocked to discover that some of my old golfing acquaintances have been involved in scheming of late. Apparantly they are now working with IBM and trying to extract very large sums of money in compensation from Somerset County Council. The whole thing is a complete a mystery to me, as you might expect. Perhaps there is a connection with the computer software IBM installed which has been such a conspicuous success? I will have to ask Eunice about it. She has her fingers in all sorts of delicate areas these days

Bavarian Rhapsody

I make no apology for my hobbies. Golf is the sport of true leaders. And leaders must live up to their fine reputation on and off the greens. That is why I am glad to have acquired the latest handsome addition to my motoring collection - complete with the plate from my trusty Discovery.... (it was time to get rid of her. She must have been at least two years old).... by which our arrival will always be recognised. Eunice says it is flash, Teutonic and brutally unfeminine. She drove it into town the other day to pick up a trinket donated by a well-wisher and reported that it went "like the clappers" was a "bit of a dog" on the bends, but possessed a "pleasingly polished hood" . What a way with words she has.

Driving Up Standards

Some decry the personalisation of politics. But not me. And not Ken either. Together we are standing up for the best principles of opaque transparency. We are more than numbers. We are proud of our names and also our county council initials. We are brimful of fine ideas. Not content with tackling the county's roadside pothole problems, I have ordered an immediate trial of an original German scheme to sell potholes to the public. If our personal vehicles can bear fine expensive number plates then surely many voters will queue up to pay the price for filling in the tarmacadam fissures in return for their names emblazoned on the top of every mended hole? I think it is a model notion and I have asked Eunice, who has wide spread experience in many fields, to obtain public testimonials from her closest friends

My Accolade

It is less than two years ago that she gazed into my eyes and uttered these wonderful words:

"At this point I need to pause and reflect on the internal workings of Council because my next accolade goes to a Scrutiny Sub-Committee Chairman, David Huxtable, for his work leading the team on the Audit and Resources Sub Committee. It is very difficult for authorities to succeed and to continue to improve without good scrutiny and, particularly, without good scrutiny of their plans and their finances and the regulations that surround them. This Council should be grateful for the work that has been undertaken by that Scrutiny Team."

Dear Jill. We come from different political stables but she knew she could rely on me to scrutinise South West One and recognise the overwhelming merits of the operation by overlooking the difficulties. That is why I was able to collect generous council allowances of £32,000 in spite of my party colours. That is why IBM have always behaved with such open-handed kindness. And that is what has enabled me to adorn my automobiles with personalised number plates. In fact I am already considering a new addition to the family if the lovely Fiona Chapstick will only grace me with another bulging brown envelope. There has, of course, been much disloyal gossip about the alleged shortcomings of SAP, the IBM preferred computer thingy. Well I can tell you that as of tomorrow I am happy to rely upon SAP to pay my council allowances. Normally, of course, I prefer to take technical advice about computers and, indeed, my own website, from Eunice who relishes going the whole way while handling the hardware. But this time I am overseeing an important council inquiry into South West One and SAP, so I will be striving to ensure that Ms Chopstick provides a glowing account when she writes it. The sound of rustling banknotes is music to my ears. Ching! Or, if you prefer, Ping.

The Tiger in my tank

A little bit of bad news cannot keep the champion out of the game for long. A little bit of bad weather cannot stop the intrepid County Councillor either. So, as Tiger was saying "sorry" in Florida, I wheeled out another gem from my collection of fine automobiles to make the journey to County Hall. Some of you may have spotted HUX 1, my beloved Porsche, in the balmy summer months. HUX 584, however, can climb snowbound mountains with ease and squash unwary peasants beneath its mighty wheels without upsetting the driver or incurring the slightest scratch upon the paintwork. My 582 other vehicles will be shown off in the days to come. And that's what top-line political leadership is really all about, especially in these days of restraint and prudence. It is my job to lead the drive for economy and efficiency. Ken - or "Barrack" as we now call him - provides the inspirational bit. But the Hux is prepared to get his hands dirty, or at least his all-terrain tyres. Together we are driving forward our plans in style. All of which seems to have given Eunice a fresh spark of enthusiasm for her highly-charged extra curricular activities.

A Skied Drive

When I read news of IBM's problems in the state of Indiana I reached for my handy book of golfing metaphors: "A skied drive is an embarrassing shot that newcomers sometimes do. The ball has a trajectory that goes steeply up and keeps going. With no lateral momentum and only vertical energy, the ball doesn't travel particular far." Does that sound familiar? Clearly Indiana needs the soothing advice of an expert. I will recommend Alan to them. And talking of soothing advice, Eunice has developed an insatiable appetite ever since she started attending her cookery course. The things she can now do with a whisk and a tub of goose fat defy imagination and gravity

Future Perfect

I am delighted to be able to give a little plug to my old chum Alan Jones who has bounced back to the big-time with an exciting new venture that is certain to see him soar. You can read all about it by clicking his logo. I do not understand all the jargon, but he must be on to something.

Easy Tiger!

Several good things have emerged from America. The extraordinary golfing (and other) skills of young Mr Woods being only one of them. I am also greatly impressed by the corporate excellence of a company called IBM who can spot talent when they see it. Meet the very lovely Fiona Capstick - a lady who knows a thing or two about the world. You can even find her on Facebook, whatever that is. In fact I am told she is an expert in geography and is currently serving the CIO as Geographic Integration Officer. Well she can spin my globe anytime! Miss Capstick and I will be spending much more time together from January 4th when she takes over as the new managing director of South West One. How splendid that she should be able to so organise her life that there is still time to write wonderful books.

I heartily commend this Capstick classic to you. It is a riproaring read and had me dozing happily long before Eunice returned from her new evening class. She has taken up a very energetic sport which seems to involve a great deal of physical excercise

Where's my driver?

It was hard enough panting to keep up with the Jones's. But life at County Hall has now become a battle of motorised one-upmanship. Some people blame me for having indulged in what is unkindly referred to as "social bragging". But the mere act of equipping one's humble runabout with a personalised number plate could hardly be described as anything more than honesty. I am proud of my achievements. I believe that my constituents should always be able to recognise and flag me down in the street, provided they can achieve 0 - 60mph in 4.3 seconds. Anyway Eunice encouraged me to scour the countryside for an appropriate number plate, even if it took a long time. She said she would be far too busy to join me because she wanted to buff up her favourite horse brasses . I eventually found my exclusive number attached to an old Ford Prefect in the tumbledown garage of a house near Dulverton. What a coincidence. Alan Jones later purchased this self-same property - "South Warmore" - in June last year for a mere £575,000 (far less than his well-deserved SCC severance package). But where was I ? Oh yes. Cars with fancy number plates. Ken seems to have stuck one on his faithful old Jag and now begins to resemble the shambling figure of George Cole. He could be needing a Minder if all the staff redundancies go through. Maybe the new chauffeur will be muscle bound?

Called to account

Despite Wodger's soothing words I decided to make a thorough investigation into this business of the overdue accounts for SouthWest One. As a straight talking sort of guy, I went straight to the top. The Chairman is a very nice man indeed and he put me right about it all in a few moments. Then we had a fascinating conversation on matters much closer to my heart. Mr Titchmarsh, it seems, is a keen horticulturalist who likes nothing better than plunging both hands deep into a sack of peat and looking out for those elusive green shoots of recovery. He sent me a signed copy of his memoirs. Come to think of it Eunice is never happier than when she's on her knees, dibber in hand, giving the weeds a good seeing-to.

Welcome Aboard!

It is always a pleasure to usher new blood into our party. I was thrilled to learn that Steve Gill has decided to quit the Liberal Democrats and join me in my quest to turn Somerset bright blue. For Steve this was a brave move. His background is in the retail trade and the food sector. I believe he has a huge appetite and will add real weight to our team at County Hall. I first got to know Steve when he built this lovely wall at our modest Chilton Polden residence. He collaborated in additional Hux home improvements with some of my County colleagues, though the inspiration for what has been achieved owes everything to the good taste of dear Eunice. Eunice will be taking Steve in hand during the coming weeks and bringing him on as she has so skilfully done with others.

SW1 HUX

Wodger took me to one side and tried hard to explain the details. Apparantly there is a company doing all the council procurement work and much else besides. It is said that this company could save Somerset squillions of pounds. It all sounds so positive no wonder that other local authorities are falling over themselves to get involved. Except for one thing. Apparantly councils are obliged to inspect the books before signing up. "So"- I said to Wodger - "it cannot be good for us if our company has failed to submit its accounts on time. Sounds a bit naughty to me. It would be like a Councillor failing to enter any details at all into the Register of Members Interests" Wodger paused for a while, deep in thought, and then put me straight. "The very fact that this company has failed to submit returns to Companies House means that nobody can check what we've actually done against what we said we would do". I think I understand. I would have run it past Eunice but she said she was popping out to the shops for a while

H1 HUX

I am a man of the people. When I bump into my constituents in the King Alfred Division they often ask - "Hi Hux! Why is it called King Alfred Division?" This is a tricky question. I normally reply with a golfing analogy and mutter something about burned cakes. But the important thing we politicians must all remember is to engage the public and make sure that everyone knows exactly who we are. That is why I am now using the family runabout for many of my journeys into County Hall. The registration plate identifies me to passers-by and also helps me locate the vehicle in the parking lot. There is a serious purpose in subjecting my little black number to the envious gazes of the staff. We have just negotiated a new deal with Atkins to mend our pot-holed roads. This is a really original breakthrough. Atkins believes that if drivers lose weight there will be less strain on the tarmac and so fewer holes. Wodger said it would save us a fortune and who am I, a mere sports consultant, to query his genius. So the Boxster has a purpose. And I get a generous mileage allowance. If the suspension holds out we will all know that the policy is working. Eunice has also been out and about in her own sports car lately. She loves the feel of a little leather gear knob between her perfectly manicured fingers.

The thin end of the wodge

The coming weeks will be unremittingly busy for me. We are now on course for a triumphant relaunch of this computer thing that Wodger keeps telling me about. I cannot, for the life of me, see what was wrong with it in the first place apart from the fact it failed to do what it said on the tin. But Wodge insists that I must not worry. He sent me this e-mail yesterday:



Sent: Mon 12/10/2009 16:11
To: AllUsers
Subject: SAP Release Two

I am pleased to announce the proposed roll out dates for the next phase of SAP, but before doing that I want to say that the decision to proceed with Release Two has not be taken lightly.

There is always some level of upheaval associated with a change programme that involves all managers and staff. However, we want to absolutely minimise disruption with Phase Two by making sure that we incorporate the lessons we have learnt from Release One.

As further assurance, to staff who are working with Release One we will continue to provide support for you, as well.

As we commit to push forward, we will be focussing on the following activities:

full testing of all the applications coming up in Release Two
providing improved training material with a greater emphasis on help and guidance
allowing for 'go/no-go' decisions to be made along the way to make sure we are ready as an organisation
improved checks of data going into SAP to ensure accuracy before we start using it
providing our support teams, consisting of Super Users, floor walkers, change team members and service desk advisors with sufficient training to handle enquiries and to help staff from day one
Proposed Dates

To make sure we are driven by readiness rather than deadline dates, we are using 'proposed' dates at this stage.

23 November 2009 - A new Customer Feedback system to capture complaints, compliments and comments and a new Customer Relationship Management (SAP CRM) system will be implemented. SAP CRM will be used by the Customer Contact centre. This will coincide with the new joint County Council and Taunton Deane Borough Council website, known as Citizen Portal.

4 January 2010 - Employee Self-Service (ESS) and Manager Self-Service (MSS) systems, for everyone who has access, will be implemented. This means we will be using the electronic system instead of paper to record items such as expense claims, sickness and leave requests.

Business Intelligence Reporting - This is information that managers will be able to use to help them make business decisions in future.
Procurement - 2 November 2009
HR - 1 February 2010
More details about these new SAP modules, plus key updates relating to our roll out plan will be provided over the coming weeks.

Please make every effort to read these messages as they will help your understanding of the changes SAP will deliver as well as the benefits it will bring to you and the County Council as a whole.

Roger Kershaw
Corporate Director - Resources

I fear this will mean that I will be obliged to spend rather more time than I would prefer at my County Hall desk. Eunice has taken the news with her usual sang froid. I urged her not to fret in my absences and to concentrate upon her many absorbing hobbies. She is a great fan of one of the stars of some tv crime saga called CSI. Can't think of his name, But Eunice says he reminds her of someone.