Thursday 25 February 2010

My Accolade

It is less than two years ago that she gazed into my eyes and uttered these wonderful words:

"At this point I need to pause and reflect on the internal workings of Council because my next accolade goes to a Scrutiny Sub-Committee Chairman, David Huxtable, for his work leading the team on the Audit and Resources Sub Committee. It is very difficult for authorities to succeed and to continue to improve without good scrutiny and, particularly, without good scrutiny of their plans and their finances and the regulations that surround them. This Council should be grateful for the work that has been undertaken by that Scrutiny Team."

Dear Jill. We come from different political stables but she knew she could rely on me to scrutinise South West One and recognise the overwhelming merits of the operation by overlooking the difficulties. That is why I was able to collect generous council allowances of £32,000 in spite of my party colours. That is why IBM have always behaved with such open-handed kindness. And that is what has enabled me to adorn my automobiles with personalised number plates. In fact I am already considering a new addition to the family if the lovely Fiona Chapstick will only grace me with another bulging brown envelope. There has, of course, been much disloyal gossip about the alleged shortcomings of SAP, the IBM preferred computer thingy. Well I can tell you that as of tomorrow I am happy to rely upon SAP to pay my council allowances. Normally, of course, I prefer to take technical advice about computers and, indeed, my own website, from Eunice who relishes going the whole way while handling the hardware. But this time I am overseeing an important council inquiry into South West One and SAP, so I will be striving to ensure that Ms Chopstick provides a glowing account when she writes it. The sound of rustling banknotes is music to my ears. Ching! Or, if you prefer, Ping.

Saturday 20 February 2010

The Tiger in my tank

A little bit of bad news cannot keep the champion out of the game for long. A little bit of bad weather cannot stop the intrepid County Councillor either. So, as Tiger was saying "sorry" in Florida, I wheeled out another gem from my collection of fine automobiles to make the journey to County Hall. Some of you may have spotted HUX 1, my beloved Porsche, in the balmy summer months. HUX 584, however, can climb snowbound mountains with ease and squash unwary peasants beneath its mighty wheels without upsetting the driver or incurring the slightest scratch upon the paintwork. My 582 other vehicles will be shown off in the days to come. And that's what top-line political leadership is really all about, especially in these days of restraint and prudence. It is my job to lead the drive for economy and efficiency. Ken - or "Barrack" as we now call him - provides the inspirational bit. But the Hux is prepared to get his hands dirty, or at least his all-terrain tyres. Together we are driving forward our plans in style. All of which seems to have given Eunice a fresh spark of enthusiasm for her highly-charged extra curricular activities.